When you don't get a choice...

WARNING: A long and possibly emotional post - scroll on if you aren't interested.

 

(Me crossing the finish line July 12, 2015)

 

(Grinning with my parents here to cheer me on July 12, 2015)

 

(Crossing the line July 26, 2015)

 

(Thrilled with my second finish of the season July 12, 2015)

 

 

As MOST of you know I have been working hard to build my run. I started out slow and steady in September 2015. I had worked through a back issue (we thought it was an SI joint issue from my broken leg in 2013 - turns out it wasn't...but that comes in a minute)... Anyway after working hard to rehab and then build strength I finished not one but TWO triathlons last summer. I felt like I was on my way.

 

So, I decided to really focus on my running. I worked hard, but added length SLOWLY. I then worked on trimming time. When I started I was running at just over eleven minute miles...by April I was consistently running nine minute miles, sometimes even faster. I was strong and feeling good...

 

Then I woke up one day in March and just wasn't feeling it. I felt like my "SI joint injury" was back. I cut back on training and watched what was causing the pain... The pain got worse and then became unbearable, I wasn't waking rested, then turned into, I wasn't sleeping. I was frustrated, deflated and annoyed.

 

When consulting the world's most amazing physical therapist Laura Christiansen, I was told "It's time you got an x-ray - and then they will probably want to do an MRI"...the start of two months of dr appointments, x-rays, MRI, MRI reports, MRI follow up began. I was given news that I felt was the biggest kick in the gut - I have a degenerated disc. All this time, it wasn't an SI joint issue, but a disc issue. (I was also give some other things that I needed to look into but that is an entire other blog post for another time - stay tuned)

 

Oh and the worst of it? NO RUNNING, NO BIKING. I was to cease all "training" except swimming, that I could do in moderation as the pain allowed. Oh...and I have had to wear a fabulous corseting back brace....and try to gain some relief via a spinal injection of steroids...It was like I was getting kicked while I was down.

 

What did he mean "no biking, no running"???? Didn't he know I had races to compete in? Races I had been faithfully training for since SEPTEMBER??? Oh and did I mention I had purchased ALL FIVE of the Charleston Sprint Triathlon Series races??

 

Yeah...it was a dark couple of weeks. I was in indescribable pain and my heart was really bruised...it just wasn't fair! "Why now?" was the mantra marching in my head...If I could have found a cave to crawl in, I would have!

I am now weeks past the spinal procedure and into wearing the brace. Both things seem to help. The pain is lessened, and I am sleeping again, but nothing is helping the hurt of not being able to compete this season like I had planned to. 

 

I saw the Dr for a follow up appointment today. I can "ease back into" normal activity. I can "try and see how I feel" running and biking ...but that in and of itself comes a few months too late for this season...

 

I have already sat on the sidelines, cheering as my team did their swim, bike and run right on by me. I cried huge tears while I drove to the race. I am not going to lie, it wasn't easy to go and cheer instead of compete. It was frustrating, disappointing and sad. But once I saw my teammates I realized I wasn't alone and that maybe this season I could find a new role - I could be the faithful cheerleader. And yeah - you know what, I am not going to lie, I want to get back out there and start right back into running and biking. But I am a realist and I know that if I go out too fast I risk everything I have worked so hard for. I know I am not whole. I know I am not healed. I am not in the kind of pain I was a month ago, but I can feel the loss of strength. I can feel the niggling ache and frequent sharp reminders that I am broken, I am fragile. I thought I was so strong, so healthy, so well. 

 

There is a reason Triathlon is called an endurance sport. It's not just the body that you must train to endure. It is not just the mind that you must discipline to endure. It is also the heart you must also condition to endure. For often, enduring the disappointments that come with this sport are the hardest part of endurance training you will ever go through.

 

#trilifethebetterway

 (I am looking forward to training for 2017 - can't keep this girl down!!)